Ah, the Middle East is on fire again — which means oil’s up, defense stocks are partying, and gold is trying to remember what it’s supposed to do.
Investors may act shocked every time a missile flies near a pipeline, but the market knows the drill. War breaks out, and the usual suspects start cashing checks.
Here’s who’s getting rich while the rest of the world holds its breath.
Oil Companies: Did Someone Say Crisis?
The second anyone mentions “Strait of Hormuz,” oil prices shoot up like they heard their name at a wedding. This week? Crude popped 4%. Energy stocks like Antero Resources and Gulfport Energy didn’t even pretend to be surprised—they just climbed aboard the profit train like it was scheduled.
Defense Contractors, Stepping Over the Bodies
Nothing says “bullish” like the scent of war in the air. Defense and aerospace stocks rallied 2–3% like they got the invite before the bombs fell. When tanks roll, Raytheon and Lockheed Martin start licking their chops. Moral ambiguity? Please. The defense sector doesn’t have time for that nonsense.
Gold: Trying to Be Relevant Again
Gold wants to be the hero. In past wars, it soared as investors ran for safety. But lately? It’s the nervous guy at the party who showed up late and isn’t sure where to stand. After Ukraine, it had its moment. This time, it’s just quietly hovering, hoping someone remembers it’s a safe haven.
Market Throws a Fit, Then Gets Over It
Geopolitical shocks usually slap the S&P around for a couple weeks—down maybe 6%—but then? It shrugs and moves on. After the 2023 Hamas-Israel dust-up, the market bounced 42%. So yeah, panic if you want, but the data says Wall Street has the attention span of a goldfish.
Israel’s Market: ‘We’re Fine, Thanks’
The Tel Aviv 125 is up 1% today and 16% this year. Apparently, Israeli investors believe this war’s going to stay tidy and local. That, or they’ve just stopped flinching. Either way, they’re not hitting the sell button.
Safe-Haven Assets: Meh, Maybe
Gold’s lukewarm. Treasuries are seeing a little love, but high yields and sticky inflation are killing the mood. Safe havens used to be a no-brainer. Now they’re more of a “Well, I guess we could?”
